Thursday, November 22, 2007

Lay Off!

Britney Spears (Pop)
iPod Choice: Get Naked (I Got a Plan) / Piece of Me (2007)

Why is someone always knockin’ Britney?

I mean, I know the MTV Awards thing was a total embarrassment. But the disloyal creeps bitchin' about her looking out of shape should turn in their fan club cards right now.

After all, look what she’s been thru: divorce, drugs, rehab, child custody, misdemeanor hit-and-run. And there's always some sleazeball with a flashgun hidin' out in the bushes.

I mean, can you imagine? I’d go off the rails too if half the western world wanted a piece of me.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, now all these jerky critics are dissin’ her new elpee Blackout, bitchin’ about "studio trickery", an’ voice effects makin' her sound like a "Britney Bot". One BIG FAT STUPID UGLY DORK even said, "If a blow-up sex doll could sing, this is what she'd sound like."


That’s why Britney’s voice is sliced and diced to shit, pitchshifted and manipulated so one minute she sounds like a guy, then a dalek or a chipmunk. It's state-of-the-art dance-pop with a m-e-s-s-a-g-e.

Jeez. Dontcha geddit?

Like, Piece of Me is totally about life in the public eye and losing your identity in the celebrity shark tank.

Or maybe that kinda social commentary is too sophisticated for those poopy-skin peabrains to understand.

And what about Get Naked (I Got a Plan). That’s gotta be the scariest, most delicious slice of pop sex imaginable. The woozy synth lines that creep you out. The unrelenting beat which feels like it could implode at any moment. Pure genius.

And on top of that, you get the hot sound of Miss American Dream purring: “What I gotta do to make you want my body?/If I get on top, you're gonna lose your mind.”
Oooh yeaaah…

So leave Britney alone, you morons.

I mean it!

1 comment:

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